我的忏悔 My Confession

某位愚者向阿哈的忏悔。 A Fool's confession to Aha.

「黄金告解室」中散落的一页纸笺，痛陈着某位愚者的告解。

A sheet of paper found lying in the "Golden Confessional," detailing the tormented confession of one of the Fools.

我的朋友们，我的敌人们，所有知晓我假面愚者身份的人，我向你们忏悔。

To my friends, my foes, to all who know my identity as a Masked Fool, I offer my confession.

同为「欢愉」命途行者，我忝列门墙。无数前辈处心积虑所设计的精妙诡谋，无一不在我的手中沦为庸常善行。

As a fellow Pathstrider on the Path of Elation, I am an incorrigible embarrassment to the cause. The countless, exquisite, pulchritudinous schemes so painstakingly and assiduously designed by my predecessors have, under my watch, devolved into mere acts of paltry charity.

（我用的成语好多啊，我真是不幽默啊！我恨我的文化水平太高！）

(Ugh, so many fancy words... I'm just not funny! I hate my high level of education!)

被我欺诈、愚弄、戏耍、伤害等行为未遂的人，我向你们忏悔。

To those I have failed to deceive, fool, trick, or harm, I offer my confession.

我本来是想做点恶作剧的，它怎么就变成做好事了呢！这完全不是我的本意。感恩溢美如浪潮汹涌，予我以德不配位的疚，败事有余的愧。

I was just trying to pull a prank. How did it turn into a good deed!? That was not what I intended. Titanic tides of gratitude and praise overwhelm me with the burdensome guilt of being undeserving, and the mortifying shame of being more trouble than I'm worth.

（哎呀，没忍不住又跩了些古风小句，我好恨！我的文化水平怎么这么高？）

(Alas, I couldn't help but use more antiquated prose. I hate it! Why is my literary skill so profound?)

乐子神，「欢愉」之主，阿哈，我向您忏悔。

O, Laughter, Master of Elation, Aha, I confess to YOU.

前面忘了，后面忘了，总之就是忏悔，我做的事一点都不可笑，非常可怜！

I've forgotten the beginning and the end, but the point is, I confess. Nothing I do is remotely funny. It's utterly pathetic!

我不明白，我真的不明白。命运为何偏偏对我如此苛刻？令一切期待，事与愿违——

I just don't get it. Why is destiny so cruel to me, specifically? Everything I hope for turns into its exact opposite...

我曾假扮议员要求嗜酒如命的彭博顿公国禁止生成酒水，他们却靠着糖和苏打水做出闻名银河的彭博顿可乐…卖得比他们的酒水好多了！

I once posed as a councilor and demanded that the booze-loving Duchy of Pemberton ban the production of alcohol. They ended up creating the galaxy-famous Pemberton Cola with sugar and soda... and it sold far better than their booze ever did!

我曾经改变了胶水公司的配方，让他们生产了世界上粘性最烂的胶水…他们竟然用这个拿去做便利贴，可以反复贴上反复撕下…哎，说真的，太好用了！

I once changed the formula for a glue company, making them produce the least sticky adhesive in the world... They used it to create "sticky notes" that can be applied and removed over and over... and I have to admit, they're incredibly useful!

现在我成了超级大好人，科学进步的推动者。

So now I'm some kind of saint, a great promoter of scientific advancement.

嗟乎！我罪何述？我罪难数！我罪无恕。

Alas! How may my sins be recounted, for they are beyond reckoning! Verily, they are far from redemption!

（难道说，我其实是古风小生愚者？！）

(Wait... Am I actually a Classic Literature Fool!?)