珀葵的幸福报告 Bequea's Happiness Report

名为珀葵的少女接受幸福提升手术前后的报告结果。 Report on Bequea's results before and after the Happiness Enhancement Surgery.

幸福报告 day1：

Happiness Report, Day 1:

今天是签下手术同意书的第一天，我失眠了。

I signed the papers for the surgery today, and now sleep won't come.

不是因为痛苦再度追上了我，而是我躺在病床上，突然就被过去的回忆所占满。

The pain isn't what's keeping me awake. It's just... lying in this hospital bed, my head is suddenly swimming with memories.

明黄的窗子，被午后阳光照得温热的地板，

The windows, painted a cheerful yellow. The floor, so warm from the afternoon sun's caress.

母亲烤得松软的红豆饼，父亲藏在报纸后偷偷看我生闷气的眼睛，

Mom's fluffy red bean cakes. Dad, pretending to read the paper but really watching me sulk.

不知道为什么，火箭也在角落轻轻摇动它的尾巴……

And Rocket's there, too, tail thumping softly in the corner...

没有悲伤，没有痛苦，没有染血的桌面，没有脏兮兮落难的火箭。

A world with no sadness, no pain. No blood on the table. No Rocket, filthy and scared.

我想这是一个好兆头，我想温柔的「阿哈」一定会把这样纯粹的幸福…再度赐还给我。

This feels like a good sign. The merciful "Aha" will return that pure joy to me... THEY have to.

幸福报告 day3：

Happiness Report, Day 3:

今天医生来做了更详细的术前说明。

The doctor came by. He walked me through the surgery.

他说会有一根细长的针进入我的大脑，移除我对痛苦的一切感知。他说：「你将不再痛苦」。

He says a needle, long and thin, will slide into my brain and simply erase my sense of pain. "You won't hurt anymore," he promised.

这是我一直期盼的，但我突然却有些害怕了。

It's the promise I've been waiting for my whole life, but my heart is pounding with fear.

尽管痛苦一直折磨着我，但我从未见过感知不到痛苦的人。就连医生也说，我是少数的先例。

Pain has been my constant companion, my torturer... but I've never met anyone who lives without it. I'm "a rare precedent," the doctor said.

所以，剥离我的痛苦后，我还是我吗？我还会被大家怜悯地爱着吗？

If they take my pain away, who am I? Will people still love me when they no longer have to pity me?

我不知道了，火箭。

I don't have the answers, Rocket.

我躲在图书室看了一天书，有一段我很喜欢，日后念给你听：

I spent the day hidden in the library, reading. There's a part I want to remember, to read to you one day:

「你的幸福将会来到你面前

"Your own happiness will come to you,

像只小狗一样躺在脚边

and curl up at your feet like a puppy.

无论你是什么

It will not care what you have become,

它都会理解，爱你」

it will only understand, and love you."

火箭，祝我明天手术顺利吧。

Wish me luck tomorrow, Rocket. Please.

幸福报告 day7：

Happiness Report, Day 7:

除了偶尔感到昏沉，我目前没有任何不适。

I feel fine. A little dizzy now and then, but no real discomfort.

医生问我还要不要去看书，我觉得很累，也觉得有些麻烦，就拒绝了。

The doctor asked me if I still wanted to read. I'm just so tired, and it feels like too much trouble, so I told him no.

他说如果无聊可以找人探视，可我想了一圈，什么也没想到。

He suggested visitors, if I'm bored. But I thought and thought, and drew a complete blank. There's no one I could think of.

幸福报告 day24：

Happiness Journal, Day 24:

开始感到幸福了。

I think I'm starting to feel it. Happiness.

第五次打翻饮食后，遭到了医护的责骂，但我完全不觉得难过，

A nurse yelled at me today. It was the fifth time I'd spilled my food. But, I didn't feel bad at all.

从节目组带来的东西或丢或坏，我也不怎么悲伤。

The things that the production team brought kept getting lost or broken. Yet, I don't really feel sad about it.

痛苦，自责，悲伤，内耗，一切负面情绪统统没有了！

Pain, guilt, sorrow, self-doubt... all the negativity is just... gone!

乐子神在上，原来这就是真正的幸福啊！

Glory to The Laughter! So this is what it feels like! True happiness!

幸福报告 day52：

Happiness Report, Day 52:

术后出院，被安排了全新的工作，但工作有那么重要吗？这世上的大多数事都已让我索然无味。

They discharged me. Assigned me a new job. As if it matters. Most of the world tastes like cardboard now.

制片人问我想从节目组取回什么，可我什么都不感兴趣，连祝福我出院的花束也不愿收下。

The producer asked if I wanted any of my things back. I don't. I didn't even take the congratulatory flowers they brought.

我当然能欢笑，我一直在欢笑。

Don't get me wrong, I can laugh. I do. All the time.

欢笑之上还是无尽的欢笑，幸福之上，永远是无尽的幸福，正因如此，

But the only thing after laughing is more laughing. The only thing after happiness is more happiness, forever. And that's what makes it so... empty.

它们才索然无味。

So... tasteless.

幸福报告 day73：

Happiness Report, Day 73:

我终于能听见医生口中所说——「阿哈」的呢喃了。

Finally. I can hear it. The whispers of "Aha," just like the doctor said I would.

阿哈说，我得去找到些什么。

Aha is telling me to go find something.

不是为了纯粹的幸福，真正的幸福。

This isn't about finding pure happiness. Or true happiness.

我得去找到些什么…因为，本能。

It's a need. An instinct. I have to find it.

但我该去找到些什么呢？

But... what? What am I looking for?

幸福报告 day？？？：

Happiness Report, Day ???:

翻看了之前的记录，我还是不知道我要去找到什么。

I've read this whole journal again. I still don't know what I'm looking for.

爸爸妈妈，节目组，火箭，粉丝，医生，我自己…是什么呢？

Mom? Dad? The show? Rocket? My fans? The doctor? Myself? What is it?

是什么呢？

What is it?

有什么是重要的呢？我不知道，我不是在太阳下了吗？

What is it that matters? I don't know anymore. I'm already standing in the sunshine, right?

阳光照亮了一切，怎么那一切里，却没有我要的东西……

If the sun lights up everything, then why can't I see what I'm looking for...

幸福报告 day？？？？：

Happiness Report: Day ????

我还得找，我还在找……

I'm still looking. I have to keep looking...

乐子神在上，再给我一点时间吧。

O Laughter above, please. Give me a little more time.

幸福报告 day？？？？？：

Happiness Report: Day ?????

没有时间了。

My time is up.

再见，阳光明媚的世界。

Goodbye, bright and sunny world.

如果你有机会，请放一些花在我这个幸福者的坟头。

If you ever get the chance, could you leave some flowers on my grave? For this happy soul.