老桑博带你迅速了解「银河战力党」 Old Sampo's Quick Guide to the Cosmicon Collective

老桑博帮您分析了为什么人类文明需要「银河战力党」。 Old Sampo has analyzed why human civilization needs the "Cosmicon Collective."

这个故事无关乎天才俱乐部#84的斯蒂芬•劳艾德——是他略显随意地发明了「银河战力演算系统」，这个故事也无关乎愚者乔瓦尼先生——是他成功简化并将该系统变成了游戏…我要讲的是，「银河战力党」自己的故事。

This story isn't about Stephen Lloyd of Genius Society #84, who casually invented the "Cosmic Combat Ability Calculation System," nor is it about Mr. Giovanni the Fool, who successfully simplified and turned the system into a game... The story I'm about to tell is about the Cosmicon Collective itself.

我相信在银河在经历了数次危机之后，劫后余生的人们总是离不开这样的迷思——这片银河究竟怎么了？不清楚，不知道。

I believe that after surviving several cosmic crises, people who made it through can't help but ponder this lingering question: What exactly happened to our galaxy? Nobody's clear, and nobody knows.

可是，人们只能在「确定」之中寻找安全感。

But people can only find a sense of security in certainty.

那么什么是确定的呢——他们将目光投向了银河，毁灭的大君们，毁天灭地，我一定打不过他们——天才俱乐部的天才们，他们想的太多了，我一定不如他们聪明——星际和平公司，太有钱了，他们拿钱都能砸死我——人们在无数强大的存在身上，找到了「确定」，也找到了安全感。

So what is certain? What is certain is that they turned their gaze to the cosmos, the Overlords of Destruction, world-shattering beings that I surely can't defeat. What is certain is the geniuses of the Genius Society, whose minds hold so much that I'm nowhere near as bright as they are. What is certain is the Interastral Peace Corporation, which is so rich it could crush me under a pile of money. It is in these countless powerful entities that people find their certainty and sense of security.

但是当遥远的存在与你自身比较时，你很清楚——纳努克能一巴掌糊死我。但是呢，万一我是克里珀呢，纳努克还能一巴掌糊死我吗？万一我是阿基维利呢？

But when comparing distant beings to yourself, you know perfectly well that Nanook could smack me dead with one hit. But what if I were Qlipoth? Could Nanook still kill me with one smack, then? What if I were Akivili?

人们好不容易找到的，并赖以为生的「确定」便再度摇摇欲坠！

The certainty that people worked so hard to find and relied on for survival is once again on the verge of collapse!

我们必须抹除这些含混不清的地方，重新拥抱「确定」，重新拥抱安全感。于是乎，最初的「银河战力党」论坛出现了——不同的匿名者们为了银河中大人物的战斗力、实力排名、能力体系提供了深入的研究……

We must eliminate these ambiguities and embrace certainty and security once again. And thus, the original "Cosmicon Collective" forum was born, where different anonymous users provided in-depth research on the combat power, strength rankings, and ability systems of the cosmos' big shots...

每当有一种「确定」被建立起来时，它总是被瞬间驳倒。银河中声名鹊起的人物与日俱增，伴随着派系林立、论战激烈，「确定」变得越来越少——后来，「战力常数变动」以及「右手论战定则被提出」等等不确定因素难以解决…胜负推演，也逐渐从写实派走向了抽象派。

Every time a certainty is established, it's instantly debunked. As more and more figures rise to fame across the cosmos, accompanied by factional divisions and heated debates, certainty becomes increasingly rare. Later on, unpredictable factors like "power fluctuation constant" and "right-hand dueling principle" become impossible to resolve... And the power level extrapolation gradually shifts from realistic to abstract territory.

在一张吐不出象牙的嘴里，孤傲的高压锅亦能单杀「毁灭」纳努克。

In a mouth that's never had anything good to say, even a proud pressure cooker can solo kill Nanook the Destruction.

——所有的比较体系都毫无意义了，所有的人类再度坠入到「无法确定」的迷思之中。

All systems of comparison became meaningless, and humanity once again fell into the abyss of uncertainty.

…就在银河再次黯淡无光之时，我，您亲爱的老桑博发现了问题的核心——我们追求的从都只是「确定」，我们不需要论证过程，我们需要的是争端解决。

...And just when the cosmos fell into darkness once again, I, your dear old Sampo, discovered the core of the problem: What we've been seeking all along was merely certainty. We don't need proof of process. What we need is conflict resolution.

在过去，石头剪刀布能做到。在今天，银河战力党也能做到。

Back in the day, rock-paper-scissors did the trick. Today, the Cosmicon Collective gets it done.

您明白了吗？一切一切的争端，都能在银河战力党中找到「确定」。

Do you understand now? Every single conflict can find its resolution within the Cosmicon Collective.

你说，纳努克强；我说，高压锅强——我们在网络里唇枪舌剑吵了几百楼没有实质性的结果。但是！有了银河战力党，你和我来一局战力党，我赢了，你得在论坛里向所有人承认：高压锅能单杀纳努克，就此，争端结束！

You say Nanook is stronger, and I say the pressure cooker is mightier. We've been going back and forth online for hundreds of posts with no real conclusion. However, with the Cosmicon Collective, you and I can settle this with one match. If I win, you'll have to admit to everyone on the forum that the pressure cooker can solo-kill Nanook, and that'll be the end of this debate!

从此，「确定」又重新回到了它忠诚的人民们身边。

And so, certainty finally returned to its loyal people.

这就是银河战力党，有了它，无论是学阀战争、还是口味咸甜、政治思潮、各式各样人类诞生至今的所有问题…一切的一切的争端找到「确定」，并得到解决。

This is the Cosmicon Collective. With it, all conflicts, from academic warfare to culinary preferences, from political ideologies to every single problem humanity has faced since its inception... Every single dispute will find certainty and be resolved.

这就是银河战力党。

That's the Cosmicon Collective.