科员荣仓终的日记 Researcher Eikura Shuu's Diary

记录着科员荣仓终不平之声与偏激心绪的纸页。落寞，蒙尘，无人惦念。 Pages recording the unrest and extreme emotions of researcher Eikura Shuu. Shunned, exiled, forgotten.

琥珀历2157纪 第39月51日 天琴座流星雨

39, 51, 2157 AE, Lyrid Meteor Shower

哈，说来滑稽。「黑塔」科员久居太空，却对失重感到陌然和恐惧。五个小时过去，牵引缆绳紧勒腹腔的感觉依然清晰。即便知道缆绳由罕见的第二相氟化锂组成，纤维绵长，最锋利的刀刃也无法损毁，我却仍想象着自己脱离束缚，往宇宙的深潭飘去。毕竟宇宙浩瀚，总有留人之处，何必呆在空间站忍受屈辱？在那漆黑的漂流中，我也许有幸能为天彗星墙所拦截，从此坐上游牧者那叮铃作响的矿车，游荡星海。但也有可能，是直直落进银河罅间的古兽巨渊，好似蜉蝣没于吞鲸之口。

Ha, this may sound strange, but imagine a Herta Space Station researcher who's spent a lot of time in space being fearful of zero-gravity. It's been five hours and I can still clearly feel the sensation of the traction cable tightly wrapped around my upper body. Even though I am aware that the cable is made from a rare lithium fluoride that can't be damaged by even the sharpest blade, I still imagine myself being unbound and slowly floating into space. After all, the universe is vast and there is definitely a place for everyone. What's the point of staying on the space station and being constantly humiliated? Maybe I would be lucky enough to be intercepted by the Celestial Comet Wall while floating through the darkness and board the jingling mine cart of the shepherds to travel amongst the stars. But it is also possible that I would fall right through the cracks of the cosmos into the great abyss of the Leviathan like a mayfly into the mouth of a giant whale.

它们的内部究竟窒热潮暗，还是如同「无名客」的传言所说，仿佛一片夜色温柔的星空？若是后者，好歹死前得见瑰丽奇景，想必也比在这里当孙子来得痛快。反正，死在那里跟死在此处一样，无人问津。

Are their insides warm, dark, and moist? Or is it like the gentle starry night sky as the Nameless describes it to be? If it's the latter, I would at least be able to witness such magnificent sight before my death. It'd be better than staying here and being treated like garbage. Anyways, it really doesn't matter where I die. No one would care anyway.

「哔啵哔——哔——平衡确认完成。」

"Beep — beep — balance confirmation complete."

平衡舱内红光闪烁，噪音提示我，检阅任务已经完成，防护网的电势平衡确认无虞。死于巨渊之口实属妄谈。现在，我得以趴在操控台上，做些正经记录，使用煞有介事的笔法也无伤大雅。也许，我不该浪费第一手的田野资料，而应尽快完成一篇关于反重力防护网的研究报告，弥补上一纪研究的失利，抬升自我评分。又或者，我应该先到维修间找温天翁讨口喝的，松弛松弛神经。那时就能痛快承认，我压根儿不想再写研究报告。

Red lights flash inside the Balance Cabin. The noises notify me that the inspection mission has been completed and that the power balance of the protective field is intact. Dying in the mouth of the great abyss is just my blabbering. Right now, I need to lean on the control station and make some formal recordings, I'm sure the terrible handwriting wouldn't be an issue. Perhaps I shouldn't waste the firsthand information and try to complete the anti-gravity protective field research report as soon as I can to make up for the undesired results of the previous research and regain some of my self-evaluation points. Or maybe I should go and find Wen Tianweng in the repair room for a beverage to relax my nerves. I can then be honest with myself and admit my distaste for writing research reports.

透过舷窗，能看见反重力防护网漫射宇宙的蓝紫色微光。它已经存在了整整八个琥珀纪…这挺受时光催折的能力，除了「公司」，很难想象出自他者的手笔。它的最初落成，究竟是出于对黑塔大人的谄媚，还是对危险的未卜先知？或许两者兼而有之。毕竟很快，那帮怪物就来了，以与日俱增的频率冲击空间站，派出的变种也愈发可怖。在过去的一纪里，蜗居于研究舱室，它们如鬼影一般活在空间站的传闻中。但现在，驻守在第一线，我和它们迎面撞上可不是小概率事件。

Through the porthole, I can see the faint blue-violet lights of the anti-gravity protective field dispersed across the universe. It has been around for a total of eight Amber Eras... It is hard to imagine anyone other than the IPC being able to put together something with the ability to withstand such a long period of time. Was its original conception praise for Madam Herta or was it a prophecy against an unknown danger? Or was it both? It didn't matter, because soon the monsters will be arriving, and they will throw themselves at the space station more frequently than they have in the past. The mutations they will send will also be more horrifying. They've been kept in the Research Cabin for the past era and living as phantoms in the rumors that spread across the space station. But now, being in the frontlines, it is very likely I will encounter them eventually.

这倒算不上噩耗，甚至使我振奋。「军团」的资料，一直被优等科员所垄断，如果能近距离观察空间站最亲密的敌人，总比检修防护电离平衡，研究防御升级方法有趣。防御升级岂是我一介科员该操心的活？难道「公司」只管造，不负责售后不成？将存亡攸关的课题，交由本纪内评估分数最低的科员负责，本身就违反逻辑。我怀疑这只是个圈套，潜台词意在敲打：当科员失格时，他就该去做一些体力活来证明自己残余的价值。

This isn't exactly bad news. In fact, it makes me excited. Information regarding the Legion has always been monopolized by the elite researchers. It would be much more interesting to observe the space station's most prominent enemy up close than inspecting and repairing ionization balance, and researching for ways to upgrade the defenses. Why would upgrading defenses be something a researcher like me should be worrying about? Does the IPC only make the defenses and offer no after-sales services? Leaving the task of ultimate survival to the researcher with the lowest evaluation score in an era doesn't make sense at all. I suspect that this is just a trap and that there is a subtext to it: Once a researcher fails, he should go and do some physical labor to prove what value they have remaining.

虽然我对这项课题毫无兴趣，但如果拿不出像样的研究报告，在下一纪里我又将继续与它死磕。一个绝妙的惩戒循环。

Although I have no interest in this topic, I have to produce a decent research report or I'll have to continue my stare down with it in the next era. It's a spectacular form of cyclical punishment.

我其实不明白，为什么万事万物都必须得有分数。当然，肯定有人说，只有我这个吊车尾、失败者，才会质疑分数的合理性。在每个系统年，固定的某一天，所有科员都将排队走进「定分间」，任凭空间站以『智识』之名义对自己进行检视，犹如流水线上的肉猪，被烙上优等、中人、低劣的分数。为了取悦分数，那些冷僻的、古怪的、回报周期漫长的研究被科员们抛弃，取巧卖乖的课题与作秀研究却与日俱增。当我看见科员纷纷角逐那虚假的数字，我明白了：我们不是在被『智识』赐福，而是在被『智识』剥削。通过分数，它轻而易举地操纵着这一众看似聪明的大脑，将他们无处安放的智力聚集到特定的地方，杜绝他们胡思乱想、自由烂漫的可能。

I actually don't really understand why everything has a score. Obviously, someone's gonna say only a bottom-feeder and failure like me would question the logical nature of a point system. All the researchers line up to enter the Scoring Room on the same day of every system year, allowing the space station to inspect us in the name of Erudition. Like pigs for the slaughter on an assembly line, we are branded with elite, average, or inferior scores. For the purpose of receiving a higher score, topics that are less popular, more esoteric, or have a longer reporting period are deserted by the researchers, while the number of research topics that are for flattery and show increase by the day. I understood something when I look at the researchers pursuing that artificial score: We are not being blessed by the Erudition, but exploited by it. It can easily control this crowd of intelligent minds, placing their unrestrained ingenuity in one specific location, thus annihilating all possibilities for them to think freely.

我不禁怀念起母星的境况，啊，也就是在《何塞星表》所标记的辛-41星球之上，那时我是何等的天才，何等的意气风发。当我第一次显露出考筹天赋时，那些童年伙伴也与如今在空间站追名逐利的科员没什么不同。他们簇拥着我，如同科员簇拥着研究「军团」的英雄，祈求我有朝一日能带他们离开母星，让辛-41的居民去见识见识，非殖民带的星域在过着怎样的生活。他们曾畅想一种全然不同的人生，而非庸碌一生采集幻境香料，供养所谓「斯林克」种族的长生迷梦。

I can't help but think about the situation on my home planet, the one marked Xin-41 on the Hosea Star Map. Back then, I was such a genius, and with so much energy. When I first showed the potential to take the test, my childhood companions were no different from the shallow researchers at the space station. They had surrounded and cheered for me, just like how the researchers are now celebrating the "heroes" researching the Legion. They had prayed that I would one day take them away from Xin-41, that one day I would show the residents of Xin-41 what life is like in segmenta outside of the colonized area. They've once dreamed of a different life, one that doesn't include wasting their entire lives harvesting hallucinogenic spices to sustain the Slinkan species' supposed dreams of immortality.

我也是到了空间站后才发现，斯林克人并非宇宙的主宰。相反，比之寰宇至高无上的存在，他们与辛-41居民的区别，不过是飞蚁与白蚁的区别。如果一个辛-41居民足够有种，他们应该不顾一切地对浅薄的统治秩序发起反抗。但他们没有。一是因为缺乏知识，二是因为缺乏勇气。

I, too, only found out after arriving at the space station that the Slinkans aren't the rulers of the cosmos. On the contrary, compared to the supreme existences in this cosmos, the Slinkans are really not that different from the residents of Xin-41. If the residents of Xin-41 were brave enough, they should revolt at all costs against the weak social control the Slinkans have over them. But they can't, because they lack both knowledge and courage.

面对类似的压迫情境，我虽然多少克服了知识的匮乏，但从辛-41那贫困土壤中生长出的懦弱，却始终刻印在我的骨子里。所以，当我因为那群阴晴不定的灵质生物拿到个位分数时，我沐浴在定分间的「天网」之眼下，如同沐浴在母星的酸雨之中——灼热、耻辱、愤恨、一声不吭。

Although I've overcome my lack of knowledge regarding these oppressive situations, the cowardice bred from the impoverished soil on Xin-41 has been etched deep into my bones. That is why I remained silent when I received my single-digit score due to those unpredictable spiritual organisms. I received the gaze of the "Skynet" in the Scoring Room to just as I had bathed under the acid rain of my home planet. I was burning up, I was humiliated, I was full of hatred — and I was silent.

然而事实却证明，连尴尬也是多余的。在空间站以外的地方，把人分出三六九等只有一个好处，那就是方便地获取优越感。但这里更糟，科员们甚至不需要优越感这种东西。一切努力都是为了获得黑塔大人的注视与认同。大家从我这样一个低分科员身边走过，就像走过一个无害的鬼魂。是的，这里一直存有无害的鬼魂，前赴后继，沉默且郁结，只是当我有余力也有意愿关注到他们时，这个鬼魂却成了我自己。

However, it's proven that even the feeling of awkwardness is excess. There is only one benefit in splitting people into different grades outside of the space station, the convenience of feeling superior over others. It is worse here, however. The researchers have no need for something like a sense of superiority. All their hard work is for the purpose of gaining Madam Herta's attention and acknowledgment. They walk past me as if I'm just a harmless ghost. That's right, there have always been harmless ghosts wandering around aimlessly in silence here. It's just that by the time I became able and willing to notice them, I too have become one of them.

我至今没敢将我的现状告诉故乡的远亲。我不愿让他们知道，辛-41众人景仰的天才，在他们日夜遥望的空间站里，不过是一只劣等的肉猪。

I still haven't found the courage to tell my real situation to my family in the distant homeland. I don't want them to know that the genius of Xin-41, whom they had such high hopes for, is nothing but an inferior-grade pig in the space station they gaze upon day and night.

荣仓终

Eikura Shuu