《银幕冲击波》第280期 Silver Screen Shockwave Issue 280

匹诺康尼的著名影评杂志，由影评家夏布罗担任主笔，观点激进、言辞犀利。 Penacony's acclaimed movie review magazine. Penned by the movie critic Chabro. His views are intense, and his words sharp.

银幕冲击波 第280期

Silver Screen Shockwave, Episode 280

本月影评速递

Express Movie Review of the Month

影评人：夏布罗

Movie Critic: Chabro

01：《汽水人生》

01: Life's a Soda

类型：青春/恋爱/歌舞

Genre: Youth/Romance/Musical

个人评分：2.5/10

Rating: 2.5/10

一句话评价：又臭又长的苏乐达广告

Comment: An annoyingly lengthy commercial for SoulGlad.

短评：

Review:

我十分敬佩苏乐达企业的诚意，他们花费高价请来当红演员，费尽心思拍出了一部俩小时的烂俗电影，但效果还不如一组半分钟的广告片——看来最近匹诺康尼的经济发展确实很好，不然苜蓿草家系也不至于这么糟蹋钞票。

I have a lot of respect for SoulGlad Enterprise for sparing no expense in hiring A-list actors to feature in this crappy movie that lasts for 2 hours. Ironically, even the effect of a half-minute commercial is better than this. It seems to me that Penacony is doing extremely well economically these days, or the Alfalfa Family wouldn't be wasting their money like this.

这部片子的所有角色都像是《钟表小子》里的「汽水先生」，脑子里装的全是苏乐达。男主角因为捡到一瓶苏乐达而邂逅爱情，靠着卖苏乐达在梦中成名，最后唱着苏乐达广告歌当上了盛会巨星，然后所有人在喷满苏乐达的场景里举着苏乐达跳舞……我的妈啊，这部烂片里出现的苏乐达比我这辈子见过的还要多！

All the characters in this film remind me of Mr. Soda in Clockie, with their brains filled with SoulGlad. The protagonist meets the love of his life after picking up a bottle of SoulGlad, making a name for himself in the dreamscapes by selling SoulGlad, and rising to become the Festive Superstar by singing the SoulGlad advertisement jingle. The movie ends with everyone dancing with a bottle of SoulGlad in their hands in a scene where SoulGlad is overflowing everywhere... Holy moly, there's more SoulGlad in this flop than I've seen in my entire life!

仔细想想，这部片子或许真的能达到推广苏乐达的目的——毕竟在长达两小时的痛苦折磨过后，观众确实需要一瓶好喝的饮料来修补受创的心灵。

Come to think of it, this film is probably a success in terms of promoting SoulGlad. After all, after two torturous hours of watching the movie, the audience desperately needs something nice to drink to soothe their battered souls.

02：《虫卷风之十六头虫》

02: Insect Cyclone: The Sixteen-Headed Insect

类型：灾难/惊悚

Genre: Disaster/Thriller

个人评分：1/10

Rating: 1/10

一句话评价：烂出了自己的水平

Comment: One of a kind in terms of floppiness

短评：

Review:

当初《虫卷风之三头虫》上映的时候，我绝对没有料到如此劣质的影片能拍出这么多部续作。

When "Insect Cyclone: The Three-Headed Insect" first came out, I didn't expect a film of such poor quality could have so many sequels.

所以当我看到它的第十三部续作登上热映榜单时，已经不想为这堆劣质特效和AI自动生成的剧本浪费笔墨了。但我必须要指责它贡献票房的观众——你们买的每张电影票，都是在往葛瑞迪影业的墓坑里填土。

So, when I saw its 13th sequel making it to the box office chart, I had no intention of wasting any more ink on this film made of tacky special effects and an AI-generated script. However, I must criticize those who have contributed to its box office — when you buy a ticket for this film, you are filling Grady Films's grave.

从电影的角度来说，这部影片只能是0分。我把这1分送给你们的美术班子——你们居然能设计出长着十六个脑袋、三十二对翅膀、六十四条节肢的虫群怪物，真是挺不容易的。如果下一部续作还能往上加脑袋，可以考虑再加0.5分。

In terms of cinematography, this film is a 0. The one point is for its art team, who managed to design a Swarm monster with 16 heads, 32 pairs of wings, and 64 limbs — it's surely no easy feat. If they can pull off a monster with more heads in the next sequel, I'll consider giving the film another 0.5 points.

03：《迷因危机》梦泡重制版

03: Meme Crisis (Dream Bubble Remake)

类型：惊悚/冒险/梦泡

Genre: Thriller/Adventure/Dream Bubble

个人评分：2.5/10

Rating: 2.5/10

一句话评价：一盘炒糊了的冷饭

Comment: A terrible attempt of rehashing an old film.

短评：

Review:

当年《迷因危机》上映的时候，我打出了5分的评价——了解我的读者应该明白，这个分数在《银幕冲击波》中绝对是个高分。

When Meme Crisis was released back then, I gave it a score of 5. If you have read enough of my reviews in Silver Screen Shockwave, you will know that this is one of the higher scores I've given.

可惜如今的葛瑞迪影业把精力都用在思考怎么给虫群加脑袋上了，最先进的梦泡技术不但没能还原经典，反而把原片的优点破坏殆尽。导演完全没有搞明白梦境叙事与镜头叙事的区别，只是不断强迫观众执行毫无交互性的流程，然后站在旁边看一堆与自己无关的对白——真是好笑，如果梦泡电影就是把镜头里的所有东西摆在梦里，那还不如躺在沙发上看原片。

Regrettably, Grady Films seems to be too vested in trying to add more heads to the Swarm nowadays. Not only does the most advanced dream bubble technology fail to capture the essence of the original film, but it also ruins what's good about it. The director has zero clue about the difference between a dream bubble narrative and using cinematography to tell the narrative. It only repeatedly forces the audience to go through a non-interactive process, then stand around and read a bunch of dialogue that has nothing to do with them. This is funny — if a dream bubble movie is only about moving the scenes in a film into a dream bubble, then I might as well just lie on the couch and watch the original film.

如果你对这部影片的题材感兴趣，我建议你去买旧版碟片看看，而不是把金钱和时间浪费在这颗垃圾梦泡里。

If you are interested in this movie, I'd suggest that you get an old disk of the original film instead of wasting your money and time on this trashy dream bubble.

04：《钟表小子之机械小镇》

04: Clockie: Mecha Town

类型：动画/喜剧/冒险

Genre: Animation/Comedy/Adventure

个人评分：4.5/10

Rating: 4.5/10

一句话评价：缺乏新意的量产罐头

Comment: A cookie-cutter film that lacks in originality.

短评：

Review:

众所周知，《钟表小子》是梦境最受欢迎的卡通片，是克劳克影业的招牌，也是宇宙中最具价值的动画形象之一。但《钟表小子》的成功似乎也让克劳克影业固步自封，犯下了怠惰之罪，《钟表小子之机械小镇》就是最好的罪证！

As we all know, Clockie is the most popular animated film in Dreamscape. It is the most renowned work by Clock Studios and one of the most valuable cartoon characters in the universe. Nevertheless, due to the success of Clockie, Clock Studios seems to be resting on its laurels and settling in complacency, as evidenced by Clockie: Mecha Town!

这部卡通电影的剧情结构几乎和去年的《钟表小子之网络小镇》一模一样，都是美梦小镇遇到危机、钟表小子和伙伴们寻找外援、结识新的伙伴、靠友情与团结拯救小镇……说真的，这种换皮作品已经拍了七八部了，你们制作方不觉得无聊吗？

The plot structure of this animated film is almost identical to Clockie: Cyberville from last year. Both films start with Dreamville facing a crisis, followed by Clockie searching for external help, and making new friends, and end with Clockie rescuing the whole town by relying on friendship and teamwork... The same plot has been used over and over again. Don't the producers find it a snoozefest?

对于第一次观看钟表小子动画电影的宾客来说，这部影片绝对是一部优秀的卡通艺术品；但对于观看过无数次钟表小子动画电影的粉丝来说，你将不会收获任何惊喜。

For first-timers to the Clockie cartoon films, this is definitely an excellent work. But if you are a fan of Clockie who has already watched films of the series numerous times, there are no surprises in stock for you.

本月电影推荐

Recommendation of the Month

推荐人：夏布罗

Recommended by: Chabro

《一朵星云的凋谢》

A Fading Nebula

类型：战争/剧情/悬疑

Genre: War/Drama/Mystery

个人评分：9/10.0

Rating: 9/10

一句话评价：后人难以复现的佳作

Comment: An unparalleled masterpiece.

短评：

Review:

这部影片是银河中最著名的导演之一——芮克先生的经典之作，他在这部影片中再次发挥出了他一贯的高超水准。

This film is a classic piece by one of the most famous directors in the cosmos: Mr. Reca. Once again, he demonstrates his exceptional talent in this film.

《一朵星云的凋谢》将真实与浪漫、温柔与残酷融汇到了两百分钟的一千五百组镜头中。影片的故事发生在半个琥珀纪前覆灭的斯拉图革星云，芮克先生选择了以统领星云的智械元首为主角，用他的视角记录了这个星云最后半年的时光。

A Fading Nebula integrates reality and romance as well as tenderness and brutality in the 1,500 shots that make up the 200-minute film. The story took place in the Slaturg Nebula that fell half an Amber Era ago. Mr. Reca makes the Intellitron leader who rules the nebula the protagonist and depicts the happenings during the final six months of the nebula from the leader's perspective.

正如这位大导演过去的电影一样，影片的质感真实细腻，宛如他人脑中历历在目的追忆。无名的陌生演员们彷佛与角色融为一体，加上跌宕起伏的故事与巧夺天工的剪辑…这一切足以让《一朵星云的凋谢》被电影史所铭记。

Just like Mr. Reca's past works, the film has a realistic and delicate touch that makes the viewers feel like they are walking down the protagonist's memory lane. The lesser-known actors are truly into their characters, the plot is suspenseful, and the editing is masterful... These are enough to make A Fading Nebula a movie remembered by history.

当我重温这部影片时，过去追逐艺术理想的回忆也如潮水般涌来……笔者的年纪应该已经无法创作出如此优秀的作品了，但希望我的文字能够唤醒各大影业与诸位观众，我们需要更多像芮克先生一样伟大的艺术家！

Rewatching this film makes me reminisce about the time when I was pursuing my artistic dream in the past... It is unlikely that I can create something as outstanding as this film at my age, but I hope that with my words, I can bring awareness to the movie industry that we need more great artists like Mr. Reca!

注：根据本刊记者的情报，芮克先生似乎对匹诺康尼的梦泡技术产生了兴趣，正在筹备自己的梦泡影片——这真是值得每位影迷欢呼的好消息，我相信他的作品一定能扫清笼罩在影院之上的阴云，还电影市场一片朗朗乾坤！

Note: According to the information received by our journalists, it seems that Mr. Reca has developed an interest in Penaconian dream bubble technology and is preparing a dream bubble film. This is truly a piece of delightful news for every cinephile. I believe his work will bring a breath of fresh air to the currently lackluster cinema and revitalize the industry!