《酒馆夜谭：苏乐达特刊》 Evening Tavern Stories: SoulGlad Special Issue

某位酒馆记者撰写的花边小报，内容主打一个胡说八道。 A tabloid written by a Tavern reporter, the contents seem to be mostly nonsense.

呦吼——各位读者老爷们！许久不见，甚是想念！上回书说道…~~诶呀上次编了什么我也想不起来了算了算了。~~总之，你是否早已经厌倦了无聊的时讯和无趣的消遣？你是否感到即便身处美梦依旧不知餍足？你是否渴求更多新鲜出炉的乐子？很好，我已经听到你们雀跃期待的心声了——那么今天就由我，酒馆知名记者迈尔斯，带老爷们走近隐藏在黄金泡沫背后的真相吧！

Hey there, my dear readers! It's been a while, and I miss you all! In our last edition, we talked about... ~~Well, honestly, I can't remember what nonsense I made up last time. So let's just forget about it. ~~Anyways, are you sick and tired of boring news and lame entertainment? Do you find yourself unsatisfied even in your wildest dreams? Are you craving something more exciting and fun? Well, guess what? Today, the one and only Miles, the ultimate Tavern reporter, is here to lead you to the truth behind the golden bubbles!

#谨防骗局！元年苏乐达竟是虚假营销！

#SCAM alert! Epochal SoulGlad is nothing but false marketing!

不会吧不会吧，难不成现在还有人挤破了脑袋，花高价去抢所谓的「元年苏乐达」？

Like, seriously? Can you believe there are people out there willing to pay a fortune and willing to kill for this so-called Epochal SoulGlad?

诶呦，醒醒吧！阿哈在阿基维利的列车智库里都没看到过什么「梦见草」！

Wake up, people! Aha hasn't seen anything like "Dreamleaf" even in Akivili's data bank on the Express!

说什么「绝迹的梦见草在梦境世界中重见天日」、「曾一度消亡的美味现已重见天日」，不会真有傻子相信吧？

I mean, come on! Who's gonna buy into stories like "the extinct Dreamleaf magically revived in the Dreamscape" or "a once-lost delicacy now making a comeback"?

老爷们可千万擦亮眼，别被这种广告宣传给忽悠瘸了啊！

Don't be fooled by these slick ads, my dear readers!

#名不副实！苏乐达创始人塌房！

#It's ALL FAKE! SoulGlad's founder isn't what he seems!

众所周知，苏乐达的创始人苏萨是个监狱星的厨子！

I believe everyone knows that the founder of SoulGlad, Sousa, used to be a chef on the prison planet!

众所不周知，这个厨子既不是「信奉希佩的大善人」，也没有高超的厨艺，进监狱还是因为走私忆质！

But here's the real deal: He wasn't a saintly benefactor believing in Xipe or a culinary genius. Nope, he got himself locked up for smuggling memoria!

而最重要的，诶呦——他甚至不是爆炸头！

And most important of all! Guess what? He didn't even have fluffy hair at all!

本记者对此事件进行了详细的跟踪调查：

I've done a ton of digging on this rumor, trust me.

赞美伟大的监狱星，只在那里人们才会因为生活所迫，用昂贵的忆质去交换劣质的怪味糖水！

Praise the illustrious prison planet, the only place where they trade expensive memoria for watered-down sugary drinks!

赞美花哨的广告词，只有这样人们才会被资本家蒙骗，对那些虚构史学家的鬼把戏信以为真！

Praise all the fancy wordplay! It's the only way how those sneaky capitalists and History Fictionologists trick us into blindly believing their nonsense!

#绯闻曝光！老奥帝与艾迪恩秘密私会！

#SECRET relationship! Old Oti and Mr. Aideen's mysterious private rendezvous!

首先声明：我们假面愚者尊重一切个人取向与癖好。

Disclaimer: We Masked Fools totally respect everyone's orientations and desires.

日前有酒馆成员目击苜蓿草家主老奥帝携艾迪恩先生共同秘密前往晖长石号，疑似商业密谈。

Recently, some Tavern staff caught Old Oti, the head of the Alfalfa Family, and Mr. Aideen sneaking off together to Radiant Feldspar. Looks like a cozy little private meeting.

就此事件，本记者对家族成员进行了随机采访——

I went around and asked some Family members about it.

一位路过的无辜橡木表示：「苜蓿草那帮人又打算搞什么幺蛾子？」

A passer-by from the Oak Family commented, "What shady stuff is the Alfalfa Family up to this time?"

一位看热闹不嫌事大的鸢尾花表示：「老奥帝是苜蓿草，艾迪恩也是苜蓿草。这俩必定有染。」

An excited member from the Iris Flower commented, "Oh, there's definitely something spicy going on between Old Oti and Mr. Aideen. They're both Alfalfa peeps, after all."

一位不愿透露身份的苜蓿草高管表示：「无可奉告。」

An anonymous senior member from the Alfalfa Family refused to give any responses regarding this incident.

一位态度不太好的猎犬表示：「你再在梦里胡说八道、问些不该问的，就把你拆散了喂给忆域迷因。」

And a not-so-friendly Bloodhound Family member warned, "Keep spreading this nonsense and asking unwanted questions, and I'll feed you to those Memory Zone Memes."

本期放送就到这里，敬请期待更多新鲜爆料！

That's a wrap for this issue! Stay tuned for more fresh scoops coming your way!