大毫的日记 Dahao's Diary

长乐天地衡司公廨执事长大毫的日记。其中记录了他漫长的人生。 The diary of the official at the Exalting Sanctum's Realm-Keeping Commission Chancery, Dahao. Includes stories of his long life.

（其一） (I)

十月卅二日

October 32

早上醒来，我没有动弹。我想像自己缺席工作一天，公廨里会怎样。

I woke up in the morning but didn't budge. I fantasized about what it would be like in the Chancery if I were absent for the whole day.

我很清楚，不会怎样。离开了谁仙舟也会继续航行下去，就像帝弓的箭，总会射向它该去的地方。

I know very well that nothing at all will happen. The Xianzhou will keep sailing on through space no matter who leaves, just as Reignbow's arrow will always shoot toward its intended target.

最近越发不耐烦处理司里那些鸡毛蒜皮的事情了。每当接手某个工作，便要唠叨一番，将关于这件工作上下游所有相关部门的人员统统腹诽一遍，然后硬着头皮干活。交代给下属是不可能的，年轻人都自由的很，只干自己想干的事情，憧憬着去其他世界外派工作转一圈，却对眼前细碎的活儿不屑一顾。

I've been growing more and more impatient these days with trivial junk at work. Every time a new task comes in, I'll curse it alongside my colleagues both up and downstream who've been involved in it, then I'll grit my teeth and get on with the task. It's impossible to delegate to a subordinate, because young people are so carefree and only do what they want. They dream of taking a work trip out to distant planets, but do not care about the bits and pieces of work going on around them.

地衡司的工作，毫无意义。我接手的一百二十二年来，它们不带重样地反复发生，并且还会继续重复下去。

The work we do at the Realm-Keeping Commission is meaningless. In my 122 years there, they keep repeating things over and over again in different ways, and they'll keep on repeating until the end of time.

我不想工作。我只想像一条狗一样，匍匐在地衡司公廨前晒晒天上的假太阳，看人群来来去去，猜猜他们是干什么的，要是有旅客冲我扔个饼，我就冲他摇摇尾巴。

I don't want to work. I want to be just like a dog, rolling around in front of the Chancery's office as I bask in the fake sun, people-watching and dreaming up life stories for everyone. If a tourist chucked me a biscuit, I'd wag my tail at them.

可惜，仙舟上并没有不干活的狗，谛听都他娘的比我有斗志。

It's a pity that all the dogs aboard the Xianzhou are work dogs. Even Diting is far more resilient than me.

十一月二日

November 2

他们说短生种「衰老」的第一个征兆是开始怀念过去，仙舟人也没两样。虽然我们的身体并不会变老，但心早就被掏空了，被那些过去的事情。

People say the first signs of aging in short-life species is when we grow nostalgic for the past, and the Xianzhou natives are no different. These bodies of ours may not grow old, but our minds have long been hollowed out by all those past memories.

我梦见了自己回到战场上。我和云骑弟兄们手持雷弩，身后跟着自动出鞘索敌的剑。我们回到了地空星、回到了巨人之臂，回到了塔拉萨的海岛，与形形色色的丰饶孽物们战斗。

I once dreamed that I was back on the battlefield. Wielding crossbows with my Cloud Knight brethren, this giant sword followed around behind us, searching out enemies. We went back to Dikong; went back to the Giant's Arm system; went back to the islands of Thalassa; fought all kinds of Abominations of Abundance along the way.

我梦见自己被不似人形的兽类包围。剑在身边不停飞旋、切割然后碎裂。对方的体液糊了我一脸，我没想到那不是冷的，我没想到它是红色的。

I dreamed that I was surrounded by inhuman beasts. The sword swirled around beside me, slicing and dicing before they shatter into pieces. Fluid from the enemy corpses smeared me on the face. I didn't expect it to be not cold; I didn't expect it to be so red.

梦里的世界赤红一片。长着硅化几丁质外甲的巨兽们放声咆哮，把所有靠近的队伍碾成肉泥。孽物们卷动皮膜般的翅膀，风刮的扑面生疼。

The dreamscape went completely red, and huge monsters with chitinous silicone shells roared loudly, crushing all the approaching squads into a pulp. The Abominations rolled up their insect-like wings, and a chilly, painful gust blasted them straight in the face.

我想再看看弟兄们的样子。但我身边空无一人。低头看，大地上是一张张不甘心的脸，僵死凝固的表情在嘶吼生前没实现的愿望。每一颗眼珠都像落入尘埃里被磨花的玻璃球，死死咬住天空。

I wanted to see what my brethren looked like again. But nobody was around me. Looking down, I saw acquiescent faces on the ground, expressions frozen as screams of wishes left unfulfilled. Every eyeball was like a scratched marble as it fell to the dust, firmly gripping the skies.

长生种……这个笑话让我忍不住放声大笑，醒了过来。

Long-life species... This joke made me laugh out loud and woke me up.

右臂曾被扯断的地方烧灼着，仿佛刚从巨兽的嘴里拔出来。我转了转肘关节，就算它能长回去，我依然忘不了那场几乎让我咬碎整个世界的痛。三百年过去了，这疼痛仍未平息。

My right arm is burning right where it's torn off, as though I'd just been plucked from a monster's maw. Turning over my elbow, I still can't forget that pain that has made me reel at the entire world, even if my arm can grow back. Three hundred years have passed, and the pain is still yet quelled.

（其二） (II)

十一月十日

November 10

按照统计，退役云骑是最容易陷入魔阴身的群体。我很幸运，我好端端地挺过了第三次丰饶民战争，一直活到了现在，甚至还领上了退休金，在地衡司里占了个豆粒儿大的差事混吃等死，若没有重大失误，这碗饭足可吃到下下个琥珀纪吧，大概。

Statistics show that retired Cloud Knights are the most likely to be stricken with mara. I'm a lucky one. Having survived the Third Denizens of Abundance War unscathed, I've made it this far through life. I've even got a pension to go with my extremely low-ranking job in the Realm-Keeping Commission, whiling away time before I die. As long as I don't make a major mistake, there's no reason why this leisurely job can't keep me fed till the next Amber Era... probably.

公廨里的小鬼们总觉得我平时看起来大大咧咧、泼天的大事也能像个没事人似的扛下，他们开玩笑称我「不死的大毫」。他们甚至拿我什么时候会被「十王司」接走的事来打赌。

Those schmucks in the Chancery always think I'm so careless, and that I make tough work look easy. They mockingly call me Dahao the Immortal. They even have a bet running about when I'm going to get picked up by the Ten-Lords Commission.

不管长生种还是短生种，年轻人对「人生结束」这样的事情，都一样他妈的毫无概念啊。真想看看「十王司」的冥差出现在面前时，这帮小鬼脸上会有什么表情啊。可惜，我一定走在这些家伙的前头。

It matters not if they're long-life or short-life species. Youngsters all have no concept of things such as "the end of life." I'd do anything to see the looks on these schmucks' faces when the Ten-Lords Commission's spiritfarers show up to pick them up. It's a real shame that I will definitely depart before they do.

十王司……我知道每个仙舟人最终都会被十王司接走，但我一直不知道他们是怎么办到的。

The Ten-Lords Commission... I know every Xianzhou person gets picked up by them in the end, but I've never fully understood how they do it.

按照罗浮的都市传说，十王司会翻看生死簿，把人带进冥府，历数此生善恶罪过。那些判官与凡人幽明道别，就算迎面撞上也不能目睹……

There's an urban legend on the Luofu about how the Ten-Lords Commission will pore over the list of the dead, take people into the netherworld, then tally up your sins and merits. Unlike normal humans, those judges belong to the other side. You shouldn't even look at them if you run into them...

说的倒是有鼻子有眼的，但细细一想，问题真多：

That's all pretty convincing, but when I think about it more carefully, there are a lot of questions:

仙舟上的冥府在哪？

Where exactly is this netherworld on the Xianzhou?

他们怎么知道你什么时候魔阴身逼近？

How do they know when the Mara is approaching you?

他们又怎么统计出你这辈子干的所有鸡毛蒜皮、小功小过，然后像学黉里的先生给你判卷一般，给你的人生评个优良中差？

How can they know every minor thing that's happened in your life, and then rate you like a school teacher with good or bad grades?

嘿嘿，说到底，传说只是传说，都是骗小孩呢吧！

Ha, in the end, legends are just legends. All they're good for is tricking kids!

十一月十二日

November 12

但我真的见过十王司办冥差的样子，还不止一次。

But I've actually seen the Ten-Lords Commission's spiritfarers before. More than once, actually.

头一次，是在我刚接手地衡司勤务工作时，我曾见到一队小娃娃打着灯笼走过闲云天的街道。那时洞天入夜，连月色和星光都被移走了。街道上户牖紧闭，人迹全无。唯独那几个孩子像从浓重的黑暗里化出形体一般，步履无声地走着，身边悬浮着几座小小灯台。他们身后跟着的人我认识，那是我的父亲。

The first time was back when I started as an orderly at the Realm-Keeping Commission. I saw a group of kids walking the streets of Drifters Sanctum with lanterns in hand. It was nighttime, and even the moon and starlight were removed from the delve's artificial sky. Everyone was locked safely away in their homes with not another soul about. Only those children walked in silence with lamps floating beside them, as though they were spawned straight out of the darkness itself. I knew the man walking behind them. He was my father.

我父亲六百四十六岁时，突然开始说起胡话来，他问我为什么把饭打翻在桌上，为什么把他的衣服烧掉，为什么拿走他的玉兆当球踢……这恐怕都得是我十几岁时的调皮事迹了，我脑海里如今半点也留不下印迹。往后数日，他开始不吃不喝，也不应人，只像一具行尸走肉般坐着，像是无人打扫的墙角里生成的蛛网，积满灰尘、毫无生气。

When Dad turned 646 years old, he suddenly started blurting out nonsense. He'd ask why I knocked over the rice bowl on the table, why I burnt his clothes, and why I kicked his jade abacus around like a soccer ball... Those were probably my unruly conduct back when I was a teenager. I couldn't remember anything about them myself. Over the next few days, he went off food and drink and stopped responding to people — just sitting there like a living corpse, like a cobweb that manifested in an abandoned corner of the house. Filled with dust. Devoid of life.

我知道他犯了五衰的征兆，堕入魔阴身在即，于是按规矩延请丹鼎司的医士看诊，仍想看看是否有恢复的可能。医士开了几味药，然后盯着我的脸说，要有所准备。

I realized he was displaying signs of the five decays and was on the verge of being stricken with mara. According to the rules, I invited an Alchemy Commission healer to do an outpatient run, still wanting to see if he had any possibility of recovery. The healer prescribed a few different medications, then looked me straight in the eye and warned me to be prepared.

「准备什么？」我问医士。医士一脸习以为常地说：「做好准备，令尊会被接引。」

"Prepared for what?" I asked the healer. The healer replied with a practiced expression, "prepare for your father to be taken away."

我当时便明白了，父亲的大限到了。我知仙舟上人人皆有这么一日，但落到父亲身上，仍很突然。

It was then I knew that Dad's time had come. I knew that everyone in Xianzhou has to face such a day sooner or later, but now that it was happening to Dad... everything just seemed so sudden.

我拿起案子上的药方看了又看，像是师傅在检查徒弟的功课。医士突然伸手抓住方笺的一角，像是要收回去。我明白她的意思：身入魔阴，药石无医。但我只记得自己牢牢攥住了方子，嘴里叨叨着，「就按这个方子来，再试试，再试试。」她见我态度坚决，便抽回手，准备针药汤剂去了。

I picked up the prescription from the table and read it again and again, like a master poring over a disciple's homework. The healer suddenly reached over and grabbed a corner of the prescription, as if to take it back. I understood her tacit intent: There is no medicinal cure for being mara-struck. But I remembered gripping that prescription tightly, muttering again and again: "Just try this medicine one more time. One more time. Just one more time." She pulled back her hand in the face of my stubbornness, and busied herself with preparing the remedy.

想也知道，此后父亲再也没和我说过一句话，直到我目睹他随着这几个孩子走到了我面前。不知是不是错觉，我觉得他变年轻了。说仙舟人变年轻是个可笑的说法，咱们的容貌从成年后就不再改变了——但人的神态是会变的。父亲的步子轻快，神色中带有释怀的洒脱，原本仿佛被尘垢遮盖的脸舒展了开来。

As expected, Dad never said another word to me after that, until he walked up to me with those children. Perhaps it was an illusion, but he seemed younger. It is ridiculous to suggest that a Xianzhou native could grow younger. Our appearance doesn't change once we reach adulthood — but our demeanor certainly can. Dad was walking briskly with a look of liberation and freedom about him. That dusty, lifeless look on his face was gone.

我张大了口，想叫他的名字。但话哽在嘴边，还来不及出口，他先轻轻说了声「珍重」，口齿清晰。我疑心他病好了，从魔阴身的边缘挣扎回来了。但我知道，这是我一厢情愿的想法。那两个孩子吹了吹身边的灯座，一眨眼，我面前只剩下了黑暗，父亲和那几个孩子仿佛没出现过。

I opened my mouth to call for Dad, but the words got stuck in my throat. Before I could speak, he spoke softly and clearly. "Take care of yourself." It felt like he had recovered, that he returned from the brink of being mara-struck... But I knew it was just my wishful thinking. Those two children blew out their lamps, and in the blink of an eye, all I could see was darkness — as though Dad and those children had never existed.

我连夜勤的工作也忘了，独自站在那片黑暗里。半晌，我突然想起了医士开下的那张药方，我原本一直揣在怀里，但如今伸手摸了摸，却发现它不在那儿了。

I even forgot about my night shift, and just stood there alone in the darkness. A moment later, I suddenly remembered that prescription the healer had left me. I'd been keeping it in my breast pocket, but fishing around in there, I realized that it wasn't there anymore.